I never understood the phrase "submitting cheerfully to God's will" until now.

(This is post from Mom)

This is a bit difficult to write so please bear with me.  It is Christmas Eve and I am waiting for Paige to come home.  I've missed her so very much.  It's been difficult to have both her and Kirsten not here for Christmas this year.  The house feels so very empty.  It's about to get a little more crowded again.

Paige is coming home this week.  She will probably arrive here on Thursday or Friday.  I will know more a bit later this morning.  We've had a very difficult time over the past week as we've been waiting for the decision of whether or not this was the best thing for her at this time in her mission and we now have the answer.  I do not know much about what is happening or why exactly.  That's part of the way that a mission works - not a lot of ability to communicate about things.  You just kind of have to wait to be acted upon as a parent.  That's they way it is and that is ok.  Difficult to endure sometimes but ok.  I am confused.  I do not understand.  As I have wrestled with the conflicted feelings I have had as a mom there are a few things that have "risen to the surface" for me.  I would like to share those things with you now.

First:  We are all children of a loving Heavenly Father who loves us, collectively and individually, more than anything.  That is why He sent His Son into the world to provide a way for us to return and live with Him someday.

Second:  Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us.  This plan is specific to us as individuals and allows us to have opportunities to develop and grow into the person God would have us become.  This plan includes the things that we clearly see as blessings in our lives - family, friends, faith, gospel opportunities, temporal things - and challenges and weaknesses that we are given so that we can grow and that become blessings in our lives if we choose to allow them to become so.  These challenges and weaknesses allow us to develop strength and fortification to our spirits as we work through them and learn to glorify God in all things as we learn that all things work together for His and our good.

Third:  Paige has been serving and loving the people of Arizona fully and completely the past six months.  She has served obediently and has been as "exact" as any of us can be in doing what she has been called to do on a daily basis.  She has developed great love for the individuals and families she has met and has been blessed to grow spiritually as she has been an instrument in helping others develop their testimonies of Jesus Christ and His restored gospel.  She has learned to love as the Savior loves - accepting each of us where and how we are and helping us to grow from there.  I'm very proud of her and the development she has undergone during her time away.  It has been and will continue to be a blessing of eternal significance for her and her family, now and in the future.

Fourth:  Paige is coming home.  She has served faithfully.  I do not know much more than that.  I really don't need to.  I need to know how best to support her as she makes the transition back to "normal" life.  I need to be patient with her as she determines whether or not she will be returning to the mission field in a few months.  She has that choice.  I think that is significant.  I don't know.  I know that this will be a difficult time for her as she answers the questions of well meaning people.  I hope that she will feel the love and support of her friends.  I hope that people will be kind.  I hope that she continues to feel the love of the Savior in her life as she is embraced upon her arrival and that she will know how much she is loved and how proud we all are of her.  I pray for continued peace that this is the right thing for her at this time.  My heart says it is but my head starts to run away with it all in the middle of the night.  Of course this is not what I would wish.  So much of life isn't "what I would wish" for any of my children but I return to #2 above.  Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us.  Paige knows that this is part of His plan for her.  I know that this is part of His plan for her.  I hope that each of you who love her will know that this is part of His plan for her, too.  If you are unsure of how best to love and support her because you just don't know what to do or say then please read this article:  http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865591983/LDS-missionaries-developing-strategies-to-cope-with-stress.html.  It has some very helpful counsel to help us all be more sensitive to the needs of missionaries who return home early.

Fifth:  Paige is really happy and at peace.  She told me on the phone this morning that she's the happiest she's been in years.  Here's a quote from a letter Doug received from her in the past week:  "I'm really excited to get to skype y'all on Christmas.  I'm pretty sure I will be going home.  I never understood the phrase "submitting cheerfully to God's will" until now.  I don't care what it takes to get me to the celestial kingdom.  I don't care what trials I may face.  I know I have Christ here beside me, helping me every step of the way, AND the support of you and mom. And I KNOW i will get there."  

Sixth (really a continuation of #2, above):  I am thankful for the challenges and weaknesses I have been blessed with.  I have become a much better person as I have been stretched and challenged in ways I would not have chosen for myself.  I know Paige is learning the same kinds of lessons as she is stretched and challenged in her own ways.  Sometimes life just hurts. We don't know why things are the way they are.  We don't really need to.  What I do know is that Heavenly Father is in control and that it will be fine.  As a matter of fact, it will be better than fine.  It will be as it should be because it is His plan and His plan is perfect.

I am thankful for a loving Father who knows best how to help His children grow and develop.  I am thankful to know that He loves me individually, as He loves each of His children.  I am thankful for His Son, who makes ALL things possible.  I am thankful to know that He is patient as I learn and grow and strive to be more like Him.  I know that patience extends to each of us.  I know that the fullness of Christ's church has been restored to the earth in preparation of His return.  I know that as we try our very best and learn to rely upon His arm we will be prepared to greet Him in this life or the next.  I have a strong hope for an eternal life with my Heavenly Father, surrounded by my family and those I love, and know that through my Savior that this is possible.  I am thankful and blessed.

We are excited to see Paige.  We've missed her terribly.  Please contact Paige and welcome her home.  She will be happy to reestablish her friendships.  She is happy.  She is doing good things.  That is just what a mother wants for her children.  How could I not be happy?

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

I found my favorite hymn. It's one I've heard a billion times, but it means the absolute world to me right now.

 

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,

Confused at the grace that so fully He proffers me.

I tremble to know that for me He was crucified,

That for me, a sinner, He suffered, He bled and died.

I marvel that He would descend from his throne divine

To rescue a soul so rebellious and proud as mine,

That He should extend his great love unto such as I,

Sufficient to own, to redeem, and to justify.

I think of His hands pierced and bleeding to pay the debt!

Such mercy, such love and devotion can I forget?

No, no, I will praise and adore at the mercy seat,

Until at the glorified throne I kneel at His feet.

Oh, it is wonderful that He should care for me

Enough to die for me!

Oh, it is wonderful, wonderful to me!

 

I know that Jesus Christ lives. I know that through His atoning sacrifice, each of us can be made clean again.  I know that He has a perfect plan for each of us.  I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn and grow in this life, and that I can be with my family forever.  I am grateful for God's willingness to sacrifice His own Son so that we can ALL live with Him again.  I know that sometimes, life is hard, but each of us can get through any trial we are faced with, because we have Christ guiding us.  I love this gospel with all of my heart.  I love each of you, as well.  Thank you for always being there for me, and for understanding and supporting me and encouraging me to become who I truly am meant to become.

 

Merry Christmas, everyone. :)

We Ding-dong Ditched with Cookies and a YOLO sign! Yes, i'm twelve.

(Mom's Note:  She found her camera cord so there are lots and lots of photos!  Makes me happy to see her sweet smile and beautiful little face!!!)

Hey mom!

I don't really know what to say this week.  It's been a really confusingly amazing week and I am so grateful for Jesus Christ and for His Atonement.  I am happy and I am healthy. 

This past week, we have been going around to the members' homes, sharing a message about Christ.  PLUS I've seen so many miracles!  ALSO I HAVE THE COOLEST CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR YOU! and Kirsten, and Kenna,  but mostly you.  I'm pretty dang excited about it.  We almost went to a Catholic mass!  I'm going to send you a longer email later for the blog.

I love you so much, mom.  I am so grateful for you and for the sacrifices you make for me every day.  Thank you for your love and for your support.  Seriously, you are my best friend.

I'll talk to you soon!

Green Smoothies!

Happy Six Month "Birthday" (12/12/13)

Ah!  A lighter!!!

How does this . . . ?

FLAME!

I THINK can... I THINK I can...

I CAN"T

Same Idea, Different Day

We Called for Reinforcements. . . and gasoline!

I BET this will work!

BUURN, BABY, BUURN!!!

With "The Gibby" . . . Getting Cancer Together!

P-Day Bowling.  I'm not very good but I'm totally rockin the ugly Christmas Sweater!

Making Candy Cars!

See!  I did it!!!

Ding-dong Ditched with Cookies and a YOLO sign!  Yes, i'm twelve.

Coolest tree EVER!!!  Merry Christmas from Arizona!

That is what happens when you bribe an AP with filet mignon!

(This is number 2 of 2 posted today.)

SISTER GIBBY IS MY COMPANION IN THE SAME AREA AGAINNN!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ME!

:)  :)  :)  (That is what happens when you bribe an AP with filet mignon . . . that he will get in a year . . .  just kidding . . .  (Almost)  [Mom's Note:  I'm sure she doesn't realize that the AP was a very smart boy as he procured a steak in a year over something which he didn't have much control over anyway!  I'm sure President Killpack makes all those decisions!!!]

So that is super happy.

The work is going along GREAT!  We have two baptismal dates set for January 4th.  The ********. The ones who made funeral potatoes.  Go figure.  She's a Mormon.  But I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT!

PLUS I get to see your faces soon for Christmas!  I'm just really in a great mood today, in case you couldn't tell.  But I don't know how it works.  Nobody has told us yet.  UUUUGH.

I had a week straight from the devil, I'm pretty sure.  It was really really reeeeaaalllyyyy rough.  But then I was told that Sister Gibby was staying ( a few days earlier than i should have known . . . LOOOVE THE APS!!) and we got two baptismal dates.  SO opposition in all things.

We went to a farmers market on Saturday and they had really cool jewelry and stuff but it was all expensive so I'm making everyone's Christmas gifts. They will probably get there late.  (Sorry.  I'm awful.)

Uhhhmm..

OH! I finished reading The Infinite Atonement!  It seriously helped me so so so much.  Plus it gave me a headache and made me nauseous at points because I had to think really hard about some of it but it was really cool.

I can't even tell you a lot because this week was slow but we did see ********.   She straight up told us that she doesn't believe a word we say, and I just calmly explained to her why we serve missions and that if she isn't interested in the things we teach, we don't have to come over.

We will see how that goes.

We had TWO thanksgiving dinners, and I ate THREE PIECES of apple pie

(By way of explanation I wasn't able to get Paige's blog posted from last week so this week there are two!  This is number 1 of 2.  Enjoy!!!)

MOOOOM!

I love you!

This week has been really really good.  Nothing too huge has happened, except we have a family we are teaching that I love. I think I mentioned them previously. . . the ********.  (Take all names out, always.) They're really really sweet and we have a church tour scheduled with them for Saturday.  Thursday we had TWO thanksgiving dinners, and I ate THREE PIECES of apple pie.  Don't worry. I got my pie ;)  Haha.

After dinners, Sister Gibby and I went to the ********** and we made CANDY CARS. It was crazy fun. Unfortunately, I do not have pictures.  Well.  I do.  But I'm stupid and lost my cord.  So I don't know what to do.  But anyways...

Friday I woke up completely unable to breathe or move. It was about a minute or two before the alarm went off, and I was gasping and crying and couldn't do anything.  Sister Gibby woke up at 6:30 and I managed to get out, "I can't breathe!".   She came over and helped me sit up to try to help my airway, and everything hurt SO bad.  It was really really scary.  She asked what I wanted to do, and I said, "call the Elders. I need a blessing."  So she tried to find service in our apartment.  It took about 10 minutes to finally get service, but she called them.  They said they'd come over and help out.  She then ran next door (we live with a nurse) and grabbed Sister ******.  They came back and put some essential oils on my back that help with pain and she checked to see what was wrong.  We couldn't figure it out.  The Elders came over with the Zone Leaders and gave me a blessing, and I was healed!  It still hurts, but it is a million times better than it was.

And now . . . shoes.  Send me pictures of Clarks and stuff.  I'll pick.  I'm trying to think of things i want for Christmas . . . and I don't have much in mind.

Except maybe a typewriter.  That would be legit.

I get made fun of for being a hipster missionary.

I'll send you a list in the mail of things I can think of that would be nice.

A voice recorder would be cool..