Eighteen Months

Had everything gone as planned, today would have been the day I returned home from serving a full time mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. However, as evidenced by my early return around this time last year, God had something else in mind for me. I've spent a great deal of time reflecting on the past year – what could have been – and I have come to a few conclusions:

While this is not the path I would have chosen for myself, I have learned a great deal about agency. God gave us agency because He loves us and wants us to choose to return to Him. Sometimes this means making mistakes and having to go back to retrace our steps to get back to where we should be. Sometimes this means allowing us to experience unpleasantries so that we can more fully understand the Goodness and Light that comes from humbly turning to our Father in Heaven. Sometimes this means waiting patiently for us to return to Him, while watching us turn to every possible thing (except of course, the one person who could truly help) in a futile attempt to find peace, only to find emptiness.

I have learned that God is always willing to forgive us, so long as we are willing to ask Him and then try to change. There is NEVER a point that we get to that God will just give up on us. Only WE can give up on Him. He loves us endlessly, perfectly, continuously. We are required to forgive all men, seventy times seven. Why would God not do the same for us? He is always reaching out to rescue us, but we need to be willing to take His hand and accept His help. If you are feeling like God has abandoned you, I beg you to please reflect and try to figure out at what exact point you gave up on Him.

Lastly, I have learned that God lives. I know that He lives. I know this because I have felt His lasting peace in my life, even during times of trial. There is no other place we can find this peace. I have learned that Christ is truly my Savior. He is the ONLY one who can rescue us from physical and spiritual death. I know that through God, we can take our trials and turn them into blessings that strengthen us. I know that the Atonement is real. It is infinite. I know that God has given us a way to return to Him. I am so grateful for the mission I have been on for the past 18 months that has brought me so much closer to my Father in Heaven. It wasn’t the conventional mission I was expecting when I turned in my papers February of 2013, but it is the one that God knew I needed. And I am so grateful that He has strengthened me through it.