Qualifying the Called: MEEEERM! (That's Paige-speak for "Mom")

MEEEERM! (That's Paige-speak for "Mom")

Hi. So... you already know about Justin. BUT what you don't know yet.. I'm okay now.

I checked my mail on Tuesday and got a letter from McKenna and Justin and I was STOKED to hear from two of my most "favoritest" people ever. I opened Kenna's write away (pun intentional) and thought, "I'll read Justin's tonight, " and then I was like "No, that's a weird thought. I'll read it RIGHT NOW." Fifteen minutes before dinner. GREAT IDEA, CHATTERTON. GREAT IDEA. So I read it in the car on the way to dinner. (For those of you who don't know already, he broke up with me). I cried for five minutes and then I was like, "alright. I'm over it."

So we go into dinner. We're talking to the lady and then I could feel a storm coming from my eyes so I went to the bathroom and cried for thirty seconds and then ate dinner (food always makes me feel better), so I get through ALL of dinner without crying at all and then we ask to share a message. We started talking about faith and how if you bend to God's will you will be okay. By "we" I mean the family and Sister Bishop because I was overcome with a sense of depression and helplessness and then realized that they were basically talking TO me and I sat there bawling for ten minutes while they talked. It was truly pathetic and I wish I could erase it from my memory; but alas, I cannot. So THEN the man asks ME to say the closing prayer!?!?! Okay. I was ticked. Because OBVIOUSLY I was incapacitated. So I obliged and said the prayer through my sobbing. Seriously, it was pathetic. I'm a little ashamed. After dinner, we went to the Richardson's and we were going to go out on splits with Sister Richardson, but then she realized I had been crying, so we made cookies and I asked the APs (Assistants to the Mission President) and the ZLs (Zone Leaders for her area of the Mission) to come give me a blessing. (We gave them the cookies.) In the blessing, I was blessed with the desire to stay out here. And at the time, I was confused. I didn't have a desire to leave. Until after they left. THEN it hit me. I wanted to go home and I wanted my mom. I went to bed after praying and thanking Heavenly Father for the time I got to spend with Justin, and asking to be okay with everything.

I woke up the next day and wrote a song about it. (Yes, I am Taylor Swift.) It's a pretty good song actually, and I quite like it. But anyways, I didn't want to go out or teach or anything. But I did. I called President and asked to go to lunch with my old zone, and he let me. We went to Chipotle!! Then after lunch we went and taught a couple of people but I couldn't handle being out so we went home. The APs brought me Texas Roadhouse. I like them. They're way cool. Then I prayed forever asking for some reassurance that Justin was right and that it wasn't in God's plans for us, and I did NOT get the answer I was looking for. I got really really angry and went to bed confused and frustrated.

The next morning I was NOT willing to get out of bed at all. I was angry at Heavenly Father and I did NOT want to serve Him. I called President and asked if I could come in and talk to him. He said "yes". I went and talked to Sister Killpack instead, and she told me "let him go so he can grow." Immediately, I was okay. It was so weird. But I really was fine. I know that things will work out the way they're supposed to. Maybe we will end up together, maybe not; but either way, I'm alright. Justin is still my best friend, and there aren't any hard feelings. This isn't what either of us wanted to happen, but it did. And everything will work out.

Friday was a really good day. We got a lot of work done and I was really happy to be out.

Saturday we found two new investigators! They were out working in their yard and we stopped and shared the message of the restoration with them and they let us into their home and gave us water and we talked forever and they're from upstate New York and they've seen the Pageant and I knew that I was there to talk to them about all of it and it was seriously INSANE.

Sunday at church the Bishop asked me if I was okay and I hadn't told him about it so I was confused. But it was nice. We found ANOTHER new investigator! She's the wife of someone we were already teaching (he is a minister and he knows a lot but he likes talking to us and doesn't bible bash us so that's cool).

Yesterday, I went to the Biosphere! It's like this huge dome thing that has a bunch of different biomes in it and they used to have people live in it until one of them got pregnant. Bad idea, science. It's really cool. I'm getting to be really close to everyone in my zone and I really like it!

This week has been really difficult for me for a plethora of different reasons, but I have been able to see that the Lord prepares us for the storms we will face if we are willing to do what he asks us to. For the past month, I've studied faith, the atonement, and restarted reading the Book of Mormon. I was reading in 1 Nephi 16 about when Nephi is out doing what he should be doing (trying to get food for his family) and his bow breaks. I can't imagine how frustrating that must have been. He had a righteous desire and was just doing what was expected of him, (much like what I'm doing and feeling, I'm sure) and instead of being angry/frustrated with God, he patiently makes a new bow out of wood and then prays and seeks direction as to where to find food. When he relied on his own strength and knowledge, his bow broke. When he diligently crafted a new bow and relied on God, he was able to find food to feed his family. This story is something that I've seen in the missionary work this week. We got dropped by an investigator after I was already having a really hard week. I was so frustrated because she had a date and everything. But as Sister Bishop and I have searched diligently for direction from the Lord, we have been blessed exceedingly.

I LOVE YOU!

Sister Chatterton

P.S. ...I will marry someone who isn't allergic to dogs...