(Okay, I think it's time I add some commentary and the best place to do it seems to be at the top of her blog post this week. If you know Paige at all then you know that her relationships with people are very important to her. Friends, boyfriends, family, etc. She struggles when she feels out of balance with someone close to her. If you've read anything on her blog over the past few weeks then you know that there is a young man she is very close to, who is also currently serving a mission, who wrote her and told her that he thinks it best for them to not plan on a future together. I understand it was not an unkind letter or anything like that but it has hit her hard. I think it's always difficult when we feel as if we have been prayerful and feel as if we have gotten an answer or some sense of direction of what God would have us do with our lives and then things don't work as we thought they might at the time we received the answer. Is this because we mis-interpreted? Is it because other's have their agency and can make different choices? Are we out of tune? My point it this, it's been a very tough couple of weeks for Paige as she struggles to make sure that she can receive the counsel and direction that Heavenly Father has for her. It's been a few weeks of doubts and wondering what is wrong with her. I only share this because I know we each have had situations happen to us in our lives that have caused us to question our standing before God and our ability to ascertain His direction and counsel. I hope each of you reading this won't think it's too personal that I've shared this much but her letters will make more sense to you if you know the background. Also, I ask you to keep her and all the other missionaries out there in your prayers. Satan works so hard to keep them from succeeding in bringing Heavenly Father's children to Him and "he" uses any tool possible -- "his" favorite seems to be self-doubt and discouragement. I KNOW that they will each be protected as we call the angels from Heaven down to bless them and their efforts and all those who they will come into contact with. I love each of you for your support of Paige and am thankful for your relationships with her. Please, if you get a chance, look back over this blog and find her address (or message me and I'll get it for you) and let her know how much you love her and are there for her so she truly realizes that she is not alone, physically or spiritually.)
This week we almost hit standards. The work is going a lot more smoothly with Sister Garner, not because Sister Bishop was lazy or anything, just because she and I got along way too well. Distractions were easy to come by. I've been almost exactly obedient this week, I believe! I would say I have been exactly, but I'm sure I messed up somewhere. Monday we said goodbye to everyone for Sister Bishop. To be honest, I wanted to be the one leaving the ward. I hate it when people leave me. Tuesday were transfers, and I had the most insane experience ever.
You know I've been struggling with understanding my thoughts/impressions. Well. . . after emailing, I got home and there was a package waiting for me on the table, from someone named Jessica who lives in Springville, UT. I do not know who she is. I want to, because she is an angel and I love her, but I don't know. I opened it, and inside was the book "Promptings or Me?" by Kevin Hinckley. I started crying and I just am very emotional about it because it could not have come on a better day. Jessica obviously follows promptings. (Jessica was the young lady who mailed her the book I ordered for her on Amazon, but I'm sure she follows promptings since she read the book, right?) I've already read the whole thing. Kevin has once again counseled me through some very hard choices. The spirit is a crazy thing. I'm also learning how to pray. It's really cool when you do it right! Wednesday we taught five lessons. I taught the shortest restoration lesson I've ever taught and we jokingly call it the drive-by lesson. It took about three minutes. I felt so bad, but the man invited us back! Thursday we taught a few lessons. I also prayed longer than I ever have before and I just really like praying now. Friday I went and talked to President Killpack about everything. His counsel to me was to take this slowly, and I should go in and talk to him frequently. We had dinner with ***** (the one who drank again) and I just really super love her. Saturday we got yelled at for chalking a park. We were accused of defacing private property. Turns out, it's 100% legal, so we intend to do it all the time. Sunday, we talked to "E" and "R". "R" is hopefully getting baptized soon, but he is a little bit unsure at this point. I gave him Kevin's book to read after inviting him to pray about whether or not it is all true, and told him my story. It seemed to soften his heart. I think they are some of my best friends.
We are still living with the members. Today we super cleaned the bathroom, and it took FOREVER. I drive every day. We don't cook much. I eat oatmeal every day, and fruit. The members feed us dinner. We go out to lunch a lot. It's so expensive and I hate it. The members take great care of us! We have a few families that if our dinner cancels on us, we can go to them and they will always have food. I love those people. I love food! p90x is KILLING me, but I'm liking the results. Sunday I realized I really want to get married and I'm dying a little bit inside because I am almost 20 and nobody loves me. My birthday is in six weeks! I'm getting old. I'm almost not a teenager. I want to kill McKenna for almost being 16. I did NOT say that was okay. UUUUUUGH. I think about Tyler a lot. I have ever since I came out. I really just love him and want him to be doing well.
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| Somedays I am 5 (years old) |
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| I got to touch the "butte" |
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| A "REAL" cactus! |
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| "Defacing" Property |
Note to her dad:
Taking over an area is the most stressful thing that has ever happened to me, but it is going really well. I just feel a lot of pressure. We are as exactly obedient as possible. There are always things to improve on though. I took your advice and talked to the President. It was really good. We are going to figure all of this out. It has started to get cooler, but also I've gotten used to the heat. I find myself saying, "oh! it's only 102 degrees!"... never thought i'd say that...!
I'm actually really uncomfortable talking to people one on one. I can handle crowds like a boss, but when it comes to interpersonal conversations and small talk, I draw a blank. It's hard on a mission, because I will always just say, "Do you want to hear a brief message on how to increase your family happiness?" or something like that, never "How long have you lived here in Tucson" or "how many kids do you have?" or anything like that. I can't do it. I think it's unnecessary most of the time. It is a downfall.
I love you!
Sister Chatterton
p.s. My birthday is in six weeks. Hug mom lots. She will be a wreck, I'm sure.
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